The Idea of Progress Interviews the Idea of Progress (part 1)

The following is the first in a series of groundbreaking interviews with the reclusive genius known to his public only as "The Idea of Progress." The interview was conducted by reclusive genius The Idea of Progress.
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-Your post, The Forevertron, or The Idea of Progress Hits the Road, redefined the entire concept of blogging as the world knows this. How has this affected your marital life?-

How many times do I have to tell you? I’m not married. I’ve never been married, maybe I will get married one day, but I’m currently not. And I never marched with Communists in Sweden. That’s all a lie.

-That directly contradicts something that you’ve previously written.-

Since when does anyone believe anything I’ve ever written? And where’s my drink? You promised me whisky if I consented to this interview, and all you’ve provided is Jack Daniels.

-Jack Daniels is whiskey-

[sweeps bottle off of table] I demand George Dickel!

-So, what are you drinking these days?-

I don’t drink.

-You been passed over for the Nobel Peace Prize again this year. Has this affected your friendship with Al Gore, the Dalai Lama or Henry Kissinger?-

I’d like to set the record straight on this one. I am not friends with Kissinger. I needed a kidney, he had a kidney, end of story.

-Will you be running for President this election?-

Did Jimmy put you up to this? [Expletive deleted] this, I’m leaving.