Showing posts with label zombies. Show all posts
Showing posts with label zombies. Show all posts

29 January 2008

Bad, Idea of Progress, Bad!

I make a point to attribute most things I post here. I don't like to take credit for anyone else's work because it is dishonest, and it gives license for others to steal my comic gold (or comedy spray painted a golden color, which I feel is mostly the same thing).

And so the Idea of Progress was mortified to realize he had posted the following photo and not attributed it to the owner:



The photograph originally came from John Baird's Flickr page. I don't remember if I took it from there, or if I found it on Google after someone else stole it (I assume the latter, but I can't remember for sure).

The Idea of Progress would like to extend an apology to Mr. Baird.


In light of this disclosure, tIoP would like to make the following admissions:


-I did not write the second uncredited draft of the Geneva Convention, the one where Harry Potter dies in the end.

-I did not create the beloved character of Jar-Jar Binks.

-I only won the Tour de France three times, not four. I was doping for one of those.

-I was not the governor of Nevada. I just told that to girls as a pickup line.

-While I am an ordained reverend (thank you, internet!), I am not the Pope.

-My tears are not diamonds, merely cubic zirconium

-I was not the fifth Beatle. I was the 17th (after Donovan but before Frampton)

-While I can fly higher than an eagle, I am not the wind beneath your wings.



I apologize for any inconvenience caused by previous statements.

30 November 2007

If I was making a major Hollywood movie....


-It would star the Official Character Actor of the Idea of Progress, Zooey Deschanel.

-It would involve robots, or zombies, or perhaps zombie robots.



-I would cast Dane Cook, only to have him butchered onscreen by a zombie robot.

-I would play the zombie robot.

-It would be rated G.

-It would make children cry.

-It would make you cry.

-I would make sure to fill it with as many expensive products as I could, in hopes of getting freebies. Such products would include Bentley automobiles, Rolex watches, and Pabst Blue Ribbon.

-It would be six hours long. There would be no intermission.

-The trailer would feature a voiceover from the "In a world where..." guy. The voiceover for the trailer would begin, "In a world where..."

-Bono would make a cameo appearance.

-He would be killed by a zombie robot.

-It would be the same zombie robot that killed Dane Cook.

-I would still be playing that zombie robot.

-The zombie robots would also be ninjas.

-The movie will be called Mr. Splashy Pants.

-It will gross $10 trillion on its opening weekend.

-It will open next summer.