Quote of the Day

"Do I think a gay person can a be a moral compass? I think it's ludicrous that we are asking that question in the 21st century. The Christian fundamentalists were never my base."

--J.K. Rowling
Quoted in Reuters today

Monday News Feed

-JK Rowling has outed Albus Duumbledore. In an answer to a question from a reader at a lecture at Carnegie Hall, Rowling sort of surprised the audience by explaining the relationship between Dumbledore and Grindenwald (if you don’t know who that is, I’m sure there must be some sort of Harry Potter fan site on the internet. Keep looking). The usefulness of letting people know a character was gay after the series has ended is somewhat debatable. There was no information on what Hermione and Ron were up to for so long in the Chamber of Secrets in the last book, however.

-The Deputy Mayor of New Dehli was murdered by a pack of wild monkeys in his home. My guess is that he pissed of the Wicked Witch of the West. Authorities will not comment on my theory.





-The Sioux Gateway Airport in Sioux City has finally given up on trying to get its three letter airport code changed from SUX to pretty much anything else (however, the FAA did offer them another three letter code: GAY. The offer was turned down). It seems like they finally got a sense of humor about the thing, and are marketing their new website, flysux.com and t-shirts

Things That Sound Made Up

I heard about this on Wait Wait Don't Tell Me on NPR, and it sounded invented, but I now have the proof. Everybody's favorite closeted Republican Senator, Larry Craig (R-ID) submitted a recipe about ten years ago to an internet cookbook that was seeking submissions from politicians. His choice?

The Super Tuber.

It's potato with a hole cut out and a hot dog pushed through the center.

Really.

No word on if the hot dog and potato met in an airport bathroom.

The complete recipe:

Super Tuber is a great snack that uses one of my favorite vegetables: The Idaho Potato. Of course, I suppose any type of potato could be used, but I cannot guarantee that a Super Tuber made with anything but a true Idaho potato would taste as good.

Sincerely, Larry E. Craig, United States Senator

Ingredients
1 hot dog, cook's choice
1 Idaho baking potato, 7 to 10 ounces
Mustard for dipping, any style
Other condiments as desired such as cheese sauce, sour cream, chili, chives, bacon pieces or black olives.

Wash and dry potato. Rub with shortening or butter. With an apple corer or small knife, core out the potato center (end to end). Push hot dog through the center. Bake until potato is cooked through.

To Microwave: Place on microwave safe plate; cover loosely (to avoid splatters). Microwave on high about 4 minutes per potato until fork tender.
To Bake in Conventional Oven: Preheat oven to 325 degrees. Bake for approximately one hour or until potato is fork tender.

To Barbecue: Wrap in aluminum foil and place above medium hot coals, turning at least once during cooking. Cook until potato is fork tender.

Serving Suggestions: Allow potato to cool slightly. Eat as a finger food, dipping in your favorite hot dog condiments (mustard is my favorite).

Either there are no gay reporters at the Red Eye...

...or they are cracking up at this. This is the actual Saturday paper from Chicago's Red Eye, the Entertainment Tonight/Extra/ A Current Affair version of a real newspaper, apparently aimed at my age group by the Chicago Tribune.

Did anyone mention that this could...I don't know...come off as homosexual innuendo?

Or am I reading too much into this?

Things That Are Wrong

There's like no way, man, that Larry Craig is gay.

No way.

A Brief Word From Sen. Larry Craig (R-Idaho)

For the record, I am not gay. I've never been gay, I never was gay, and I'll never be gay. I don't go around anywhere hitting on men, and by God, if I did, I wouldn't do it in Boise, Idaho! Jiminy!.

Here's what really happened. I ate Taco Bell for Lunch. You ever eat Taco Bell? I had a chalupa, whatever the hell a chalupa is. I was in a hurry. I'm a very busy man, as you can quite imagine. The chalupa, and the hot sauce I unfortunately put on it, went through me like tax dollars through a Democrat's fingers (vote Romney!)


I went to the mens's room to, er... relieve myself. That's where a man goes to do his business! What a man does in the privacy of his own bathroom should be kept as confidential as our wiretapping records! The bathroom was full (the Taco Bell was, in fact, quite busy, which may or may not be a coincidence), and I waited for a moment for a stall. What happened next was described inaccurately by Keith Olbermann:



I was merely adjusting myself, and looking for the sports section, which I had carelessly dropped behind the bowl. Is that a crime? How could someone insinuate that tapping my foot was in any way an attempt to solicit a sex act?

My fellow Americans, This is a crime against me, and a crime against our great nation.

I'm not gay.

Fred Phelps: American Hero

A bridge collapses due to a structural problem. People die. Now that sounds like the work of that radical left wing terrorist group: The Gays. Or Al-Gayda, as I believe they like to be called in their native language (it means, God is Gay, I think).

It's a good thing we have a brave and noble American like Fred Phelps, who isn't blinded by Al-Gayda's network of lies and distortion, cruelly manipulated in such outlets as The New York Times and Time Out and Time. He knows what time it is. He knows how to stop them.

Protest at the funerals of the dead.

It doesn't matter if none of the victims of the bridge collapse are gay. This will send them a message that America Is Not Afraid Of You.

Good work, Fred Phelps! You're keeping America strong by making everyone in the political spectrum, from the far left to the far right united in one thing:

Their hatred of you.