Notable Persons of the Week

Here at the Idea of Progress, we like to salute excellence, bravery, and daring. In that spirit, I present you with The Idea Of Progress's Notable Persons of the Week!

Star Simpson: Arrested in Boston for walking into an airport with a circuit board and wiring strapped to her chest, carrying Play-Doh. After avoiding being shot by airport police by following orders, Ms. Simpson stated that she was wearing art, and wanted to display it. For bravery and dedication to her craft, Ms. Simpson is hearby declared: NOTABLE!

The Dedicated Traveler: A 15 yea old Russian boy fell out of a wheel well of a plan that flew from Perm to Moscow, a two hour trip. He was so frozen that authorities had difficulty removing his coat. He is being treated for severe frostbite in a Moscow hospital. Early reports had stated that he had ridden on the wing of the plane. No word if John Lithgow was watching him from the inside. For perseverance to cheap airfare, The Dedicated Traveler is declared NOTABLE!

He Who Doesn't Check His Work: The White House slipped up (again) this week by accidently releasing Dubya's speech to the UN in the original format. That is, the format he read it, viewed on a teleprompter. Apparently Dubya can't pronounce certain things.

Pronunciations for President Bush's friend French President Sarkozy "[sar-KOzee]" appeared in draft #20 on the UN website. Other pronunciations included the Mugabe "[moo-GAHbee] regime" and pronunciations for countries "Kyrgyzstan [KEYRgeez-stan]" and "Mauritania [moor-EH-tain-ee-a]." Someone didn't look before submitting it to the public.

For his fearless efforts in not checking twice, He Who Doesn't Check His Work is declared NOTABLE!

There is an authorized, Russian version of "Married With Children"

It's one of the most popular shows currently on in Russia. I never liked the show, to be honest, and was glad when Ed O'Neill graduated to Mamet movies and Katey Sagal went on to Futurama.

Maybe if we send them better shows to remake, they'll stop trying to scare the shit out of us. I wonder what they'd do with 'The Office?'

Disturbing News of the Day

From Reuters:

Woman sets fire to ex-husband's penis

MOSCOW (Reuters) - A woman set fire to her ex-husband's penis as he sat naked watching television and drinking vodka, Moscow police said Wednesday.

Asked if the man would make a full recovery, a police spokeswoman said it was "difficult to predict."

The attack climaxed three years of acrimonious enforced co-habitation. The couple divorced three years ago but continued to share a small flat, something common in Russia where property costs are very high.

"It was monstrously painful," the wounded ex-husband told Tvoi Den newspaper. "I was burning like a torch. I don't know what I did to deserve this."

Bombers, Hellboy, Bill Murray, Cars, Al Leong!

-An uninvited Russian bomber on its way to England was confronted by two very unhappy British fighter pilots on August 17. Putin has decided to revive the now retro/classic tactic of sending long range bombers on flights, presumably to show that he is able to squander every last resource Russia has on jet fuel and trying to pass off James Cameron movies as news footage.


-Hellboy, beware. The man with the World's Largest Hand went in for surgery to have it, uh...fixed. I want to warn you...DON'T CLICK ON THAT LINK unless you are ready to deal with it. That's all I'm saying.







-Bill Murray was arrested in Stockholm after driving drunk downtown...in a golf cart. When Swedish police asked him to take a breathalizer, he told them that under U.S. law, he didn't have to. A problem with that, Bill...you're in Sweden. He later submitted to a blood test, and more than likely a wicked hangover and a near-terminal case of embarrassment.


-They don't make them like they used to...Clarence Cleveland Curtiss is still driving the first car he ever bought. The thing is, he bought the car in 1938. It's a 1929 Ford Model A, which he bought for $10 from a guy during the Depression. If you think about it, he's had the car for 69 years. He paid ten bucks for it, meaning that car has cost him about fifteen cents a year.

-Al Leong is apparently the Greatest Ever.

Reasons for Fall of Communism #162: Their video games sucked.

From Wired.

The Lost Arcade Games of the Soviet Union
Alexander Zaitchik
See related story: Soviet-Era Arcade Games Crawl Out of Their Cold War Graves
06.07.07 | 2:00 AM
Stick It to Me
In Gorodki, the stick is aimed by moving the joystick left and right. The "throw" button, or brosok, is on top in red. The goal is to collect as many sticks in the basket as possible.

Photo: Alexander Zaitchik

That looks like the saddest, most boring video game ever. They Soviets should have known that if there is no opiate for the masses, they'll start agitating.