04 April 2008

Things the Idea of Progress Irrationally Hates


No.1: Opening packages from the bottom

There are tops and bottoms of things. Things on top are placed there to remain on top, while things on the bottom conversely are expected to sustain that position. While there may be certain exciting and R-rated exceptions to this rule, one instance to which it applies is the opening of bags of chips.

To wit: The Special Lady Friend of the Idea of Progress (we'll henceforth refer to her as the SLFotIoP to keep things properly confusing) opened a bag of tortilla chips. Now, the bags of these chips, like many others, are printed in such a manner as to suggest a proper place for opening them. That place? The top.

However, much to my dismay, this particular bag of chips (El Rancheros, by far the best chips you'll find outside of a good Mexican restaurant) was not opened at the top. It was opened at the bottom. Why was this a problem? asked the SLFotIoP? The only answer that tIoP could muster was that if I tried to read the label on the bag, all of the chips would fall out on the floor.

The SLFotIoP asked if I needed to read the label, since I have been purchasing the same brand of tortilla chips for at least six years. She also asked if it really, seriously bugged me.

And tIoP wept, and admitted it did.

8 comments:

katrocket said...

No wonder you stopped blogging! Special Lady Friend!

The Ambiguous Blob said...

oh my god. I know the feeling. I would totally throw a fit and roll around screaming on the floor if some fool opened my chips upside down.
UNLESS the chips were all about to be dumped into a party bowl and eaten up right away. Then the offending bag would go away and I wouldn't have anything to freak out about.
This whole idea makes me nervous though. And a little uncomfortable.
I should probably go switch the lights on & off a few times to feel better.

McGone said...

Ooo yes... El Ranchero's do indeed rock. Should we start an El Ranchero Appreciation Group on Facebook?

Bubs said...

Opening a bag of chips from the bottom has to be done as an act of deliberate perversity. I don't see how anyone would just pick up a bag of chips and then just casually/accidentally open them from the bottom. It has to be a deliberate choice.

It's kind of cool in a passive aggressive way.

Suze's Sass said...

Yeah, I'm with you on this one. That is totally wrong....Slfotlop or no slfotlop.

pistols at dawn said...

I've broken up with women for less.

Grant Miller said...

I open shit from the botoom all the time.

Valerie said...

I love McGone's idea...I love those chips too!

And we want to hear more about SLFotIoP (that is a pain in the ass to type)!