31 October 2007

Ideas For Christmas Presents For the Idea Of Progress

Now that Halloween has come and gone, I know what's on your mind: What do I buy the Idea of Progress for Christmas? I will be presenting a few ideas over the next couple of months to give you a chance to go shopping.

On the left, we have what I'd like to refer to as Karate Waldo. You shouldn't have to sacrifice comfort and style while hiding or kicking ass.

On the right we apparently have the man on the left's ugly wife. Because he's wearing a dress. It must be a chick.

I'd prefer the Karate Waldo ensemble, but really, I accept most presents.

From Wall Street Fighter

Happy Halloween, everyone!

(no, I didn't make that)

30 October 2007

Press Release 30 October 2007

The Idea of Progress would like to issue the following statement to the press:

Despite the fact that the Idea of Progress was denied a Nobel Peace Prize this year, no military action will be taken against either the Nobel family or Peace.

But Sweden? You'd better prepare for the hurt. That'll show you to deny the Peace Prize to its rightful owner. If I can't earn it by example, I'll take it by force.

This has been a public statement from the Idea of Progress. All rights reserved. No portion of the preceeding may be used in any form without the express written consent of Major League Baseball

What FEMA has in common with Secretary

FEMA wants to be punished.

It’s not that it can’t do a good job, it just likes to be caught making mistakes so it can be spanked. People used to be afraid of FEMA. They thought that it would be used to declare martial law and take over the country. Then Hurricane Katrina happened. Lots of people died. Many of them didn’t have to. That was FEMA’s fault. FEMA was publicly berated, called names and beaten.

But here’s the thing.

FEMA liked it.

And now that things have calmed down from the disaster in New Orleans, FEMA found itself craving that attention. How can FEMA get that paddling again?

So FEMA holds a fake press conference about the job it is doing with the fires in California. It allows reporters to listen in on what appears to be a real press conference, but they can’t ask questions. The questions are being asked by FEMA staffers. They are not probing questions. The reporters know that these are not real reporters.

The reporters don’t like this. They get on the wires, and soon the news has spread about how FEMA is once again screwing up. FEMA is called out and spanked with a leather belt.

And FEMA is happy once again.

29 October 2007

Suggestions for a safer and more pleasant Halloween

This is a friendly reminder from the Idea of Progress on activities that may be unwise during this Halloween season:

-The wearing of blackface makeup is not an appropriate Halloween costume.

-The wearing of whiteface makeup (in the manner of the major motion picture White Chicks) really isn't that funny either, although for entirely different reasons.

-The smashing of pumpkins is not advised, unless you intend on smashing Billy Corgan, which is suggested.

-Jello shots are to be used as a last option, only.

-When looking for a Halloween song to play at your party, "Every Day is Halloween" by Ministry is no longer a viable option, due to the somewhat unsavory nature of the group. May I suggest some Celine Dion or Nickleback?

-When preparing poison and/or razor blade embedded candies for trick or treaters, please remember to use brand name candy. Children simply will not eat an apple or generic sweet, and all of your labor will have been in vain.

24 October 2007

What I Like

I would like to talk about an important political issue.

I would like to share with you a witty link.

I would like to make a reference to a pop song that you heard once when you were twelve and never could get out of your head.

I would like to discuss how I am indeed, in a convoluted, non-bloodline but through marriage and adoption way, related to Mr. Rogers.

I would like to warn everyone about the terror of the McGone.

I would like to take out all of my lovely female readers out on a date to Utah, where we'd all get married and they would bear my many children, and we'd begin a cult, be chased down by the FBI, and flee to Mexico, where we'd grow in both number and popularity, before disbanding in a sea of bitter slurs and lawsuits.

I would like to point out how gender isn't so important on Blogger, but good writing is.

I would like to apologize to Valerie for not updating her link in my blogroll, because I forgot her new URL.

I would like to know why you haven't added me to your Technorati favorites or subscribed to my RSS feed. The buttons are over there on the right.

I would like to extend a shout out to all my peeps.

I would like to take credit for building the Hoover Dam.

I would like to be able to travel back in time and find out if Cleopatra was as much of a fox as she was supposed to be.

I would like to know what Jimmy Dean was thinking when they came up with the product pictured.

I would like to take this opportunity to let you know that this may be the lamest post I've ever written, because I'm tired.

Insert your favorite ethnic joke here

From David Reeves

23 October 2007

Almost There

Go to Google.

Enter "The Idea of Progress"

First page.

There it is.

The Idea of Progress.

But it's not #1.


Keep up the good work. We'll get there.

Is it just me, or does the girl in this ad look like a serial killer?


Despite rumors linking Kid Rock's fistfight out of a Waffle House in Atlanta, authorities have now confirmed that the fight took place outside of the International House of Blogcakes.

McGone could not be reached for comment.

Pepsi vs. Coke (Looks like Pepsi wins)

A fistfight broke out at a Walmart in White, Indiana last Monday between delivery drivers for Coke and Pepsi. The Pepsi driver broke the Coke driver's nose and gave him a black eye.

There was no word on the cause of the fight. I'd like to think it was about the merits of Crystal Pepsi vs. New Coke.

22 October 2007

Chuck Norris Endorses Mike Huckabee For President

Norris endorsed Mike Huckabee for President today. No word on Jean-Claude Van Damme's choice (although I'm guessing it's Ron Paul).

Monday News Feed

-JK Rowling has outed Albus Duumbledore. In an answer to a question from a reader at a lecture at Carnegie Hall, Rowling sort of surprised the audience by explaining the relationship between Dumbledore and Grindenwald (if you don’t know who that is, I’m sure there must be some sort of Harry Potter fan site on the internet. Keep looking). The usefulness of letting people know a character was gay after the series has ended is somewhat debatable. There was no information on what Hermione and Ron were up to for so long in the Chamber of Secrets in the last book, however.

-The Deputy Mayor of New Dehli was murdered by a pack of wild monkeys in his home. My guess is that he pissed of the Wicked Witch of the West. Authorities will not comment on my theory.

-The Sioux Gateway Airport in Sioux City has finally given up on trying to get its three letter airport code changed from SUX to pretty much anything else (however, the FAA did offer them another three letter code: GAY. The offer was turned down). It seems like they finally got a sense of humor about the thing, and are marketing their new website, flysux.com and t-shirts

19 October 2007

Don't Make a War

I don't know how I never posted this before. In case you haven't guessed, I don't have any funny left in my brain today, so I've been outsourcing my humor. The following is a very, very serious video from Speak, Hungary's answer to...I dunno...I was going to 2Pac or Snoop, but that would be doing Speak a disservice.

Trust me, keep watching. It only gets funnier as it goes along. 'G, come on. Bizness."

(There is about 10 seconds of silence in the beginning)

EDIT: Someone made an awesome website for Speak.

Best of Craigslist

You woke me up on the train - w4m - 31

Reply to: pers-453538235@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-10-19, 10:05AM CDT

You stomped on my foot really hard when we reached the stop before my stop. It woke me up. I don't know if you did it on purpose, but thanks.

Also, I'm not sure how you knew it was my stop, so if you're stalking me, please stop that. I have had some bad experiences.

Like one time I was sitting on this California king-sized waterbed with this guy who I barely knew watching videos he took of me walking by the lake.

I don't remember what happened next, but I'm pretty sure I don't want to repeat it. If you answer this missed connection, I will press charges, you psycho.


18 October 2007

Yesterday Was a Very Special Day

Yesterday marks the 100th day that the Idea of Progress has been on the blogroll of maverick billionaire Grant Miller, a poet, a warrior, and Assistant Professor of Medicine and CHP/PCOR Core Faculty Member at Stanford. How he finds time in his busy day to take a few moments to jot down his thoughts on the nudity of Samantha Brown, who's gay in Hollywood, or enormous penises is beyond the scope of even the Idea of Progress's fervent imagination.

The day I was added to this blogroll was like the day I found religion. No longer was I a mere mortal, content in burning down abandoned warehouses and stealing from the Salvation Army at Christmastime, for I was now the Idea of Progress: gentleman, scholar, and an all around fabulous fellow.

It was like being graced with the divine presence. Gaze upon his visage and wonder how you are struck blind for your impertinence.

Grant Miller, here's to 100 (actually 101) days of being added to your blogroll. Look how far I've come. WHY WON'T YOU RESPECT ME???? DAMN YOU MILLER! DAMN YOU STRAIGHT TO HELL!!!

17 October 2007

5 Things About Myself That Others Find Lame

I was tagged by Ms. Laaw-yuhr at Adventures in Self Loathing to reveal five things about myself that I take pride in, but others may find lame.

I personally find it rather improbable that any aspect of myself could be judged as anything but nigh-perfect, but I'll indulge the whims of the lovely lady from DC.

1. I love facts and information. I love learning facts and information. I really enjoy sharing facts and information. Imagine dinner parties with me. "Didja know that they call Beaujolais 'Poor Man's Burgundy'?" or "After the fourth member of Wire left, they renamed themselves 'Wir'!" Perhaps this isn't lame, just annoying. I'll try again.

2. One of my favorite movies is Return of the Killer Tomatoes. Not because it's bad, but because I think it is brilliantly post-modern. A decent chunk of my sense of my humor comes from this movie (which stars a pre-Facts of Life George Clooney, and apparently contains a cameo from Gary Condit, presumably before he killed Chandra Levy). As far as I'm concerned, no movie can be considered bad if a mad scientist (played by John Astin, aka Gomez from the Adaams Family, utters this line, "I'm not mad, I'm just very angry!"

3. Instead of purchasing a couple of dress shirts for work today (which I needed), instead I bought two cigars, a bottle of Pernod, a bottle of Bulleit bourbon, and a six pack of PBR. I'm not expecting company, I'm not planning on drinking or smoking any cigars tonight, I just felt that today was the day to stock up.

4. I used to have my tongue pierced. I didn't do it for any reason in particular, and I took it out for even less of a reason. Many things in my life occur this way. My vegetarianism, for one. I just decided one day to do it, and I did. Reasons are for suckers, I think.

5. The front wheel on my bike was stolen last week. I found this hilarious for two reasons. First, the bike is 40 years old. Second, the wheel was bent to the extent that it needed to be replaced. So someone stole my ancient messed up front wheel. I find that really funny. What are they going to do with it?

I'm going to do a no-obligation tag for the following five people: Katrocket, McGone (even though he must be stopped), Splotchy, The Ambiguous Blob, and The Guv'ner. No one is required by law to follow through.

Second Page...With a Bullet!

Big news everybody! Gather round, gather round...The Idea of Progress has moved from page four of Google when you search for The Idea Of Progress all the way to page 2!!!

There's a certain wikiality to this. You see, "The Idea of Progress" is actually a philosophical term. I didn't know this when I chose the name (I've used it for a variety of projects prior to this blog), I just liked the sound of it. Much to my surprise, I like what it actually means, too.

The Idea of Progress may be defined as the belief that, in general, history proceeds in the direction of improved material conditions and a better (i.e., healthier, happier, more secure, more comfortable) life for more and more people. More simply: In the long run, most things get better.

There's an optimism there that I like. I'm fortunate. It could have meant something like, "The concept that all people really want to listen to John Mayer," or "The concept that there are many excellent programs on during daytime television."

So, page 2.

I want to be on page 1.

I'm starting a campaign. Make me #1. Put a link to this blog (http://theideaofprogress.blogspot.com) somewhere. Anywhere. Do it twice. Call your Mom up, have her link it somewhere. Come on, I know your Mom has a blog.

Let's do this!

16 October 2007

I'm Going to be Rich!

Dear, I am in need of your assistance. My name is Sgt Justin Harris. I am in the Engineering military unit here in Ba'qubah in Iraq, we have about US$25 Million US dollars that we want to move out of the country. My partners and I need a good partner someone we can trust. It is oil money and legal. We are
moving it through diplomatic means, to send it to your house directly or a bank of your choice using diplomatic courier service they can ship it directly to you in your place, door to door delivery. The most important thing is that can we trust you? Once the funds get to you, you take your 50% out and keep our own 50%. Your own part of this deal is to find a safe place where the funds can be sent to. Our own part is sending it to you. If you are interested i will furnish you with more details. But the whole process is simple and we must keep a low profile at all times.Can i trust you and will you help? Send me an email with your positive reply and i will send you more details and the plan. Dont worry it is risk free. Waiting for your
urgent response. Your Army in Iraq. Sgt Justin Harris


Dear Sgt. Harris,

First, let me tell you that I'm flattered that you call me 'dear.' I mean, we hardly know each other. Also, I'm not into dudes, so let's keep this on a professional level.

Let me congratulate you on your good fortune. Stationed as an officer in Iraq, and you've managed to make $25 million in oil? Legally? That's amazing! Are all engineers this smart?

So, let me get this straight. You want to ship me $25 million? Do you know how heavy that would be? You'd have to send it in a pallet, I think, and customs would definitely look into that. I think it'd make more sense to transfer it to a Swiss account, but then again, you're the engineer!

Of course you can trust me. Isn't that why you sent me this unsolicited email? You could trust me to retrieve it from the junk folder, why not trust me with your money?

And finally, I appreciate you assurance that this is a risk-free proposition. I'm not a risk-taker by nature, but if I can't trust a member of our armed forces, what assurances could possibly convince me?

I'm in.

Let me know how I can help.

Your Pal,

The Idea of Progress

Blue Cat Blues

I've had this distant memory of a Tom and Jerry cartoon from my childhood, one where the two of them commit suicide in the end. Every person I've told this to thinks that I'm either lying or that my memory is false.

It is not.

Thanks to the internet, I am vindicated. May I present to you, "Blue Cat Blues."

15 October 2007

The Idea of Progress Interviews the Idea of Progress (part 1)

The following is the first in a series of groundbreaking interviews with the reclusive genius known to his public only as "The Idea of Progress." The interview was conducted by reclusive genius The Idea of Progress.

-Your post, The Forevertron, or The Idea of Progress Hits the Road, redefined the entire concept of blogging as the world knows this. How has this affected your marital life?-

How many times do I have to tell you? I’m not married. I’ve never been married, maybe I will get married one day, but I’m currently not. And I never marched with Communists in Sweden. That’s all a lie.

-That directly contradicts something that you’ve previously written.-

Since when does anyone believe anything I’ve ever written? And where’s my drink? You promised me whisky if I consented to this interview, and all you’ve provided is Jack Daniels.

-Jack Daniels is whiskey-

[sweeps bottle off of table] I demand George Dickel!

-So, what are you drinking these days?-

I don’t drink.

-You been passed over for the Nobel Peace Prize again this year. Has this affected your friendship with Al Gore, the Dalai Lama or Henry Kissinger?-

I’d like to set the record straight on this one. I am not friends with Kissinger. I needed a kidney, he had a kidney, end of story.

-Will you be running for President this election?-

Did Jimmy put you up to this? [Expletive deleted] this, I’m leaving.

Condie is practicing for Halloween

Condie is Ready For Halloween

Now that's scary.

Republican Scandals

All of the lovely press coverage of the perils of Larry Craig have got me thinking. It seems to me that there are a lot of Republicans that have been indicted for either sex scandals or financial improprieties in the last few years. We have (of course) Senator Craig (R-ID), as well as Ted Stevens (R-AK) and Mark Foley (R-FL). There's many, many more out there, but all of the ones I hear about are just about always from Republicans.

Does this mean that Democrats are more honest? Do they just hide these things better? Do we only hear about the Republicans because the press has a liberal bias?

Who else should be on this list?

12 October 2007

Dear Jimmy Carter,

I read about you in USA Today today.

"‘I've called Al Gore and urged him to run for president so many times,’ former President Carter told NBC's Today show. ‘He finally told me the last time, 'President Carter, please do not call me.' "

I would like to point out to you, President Carter, that tIoP is too young to run for President, so can you please stop calling me at all hours of the night bugging me about that, too? Have some patience.

However, I am cool with grabbing a beer sometime, if you want. We can toast to Al Gore's Nobel Prize (even though the Idea of Progress was somehow snubbed again, it will not be held against our buddy Al).

Your Pal,

The Idea of Progress

11 October 2007


It looks like the writers in Hollywood are preparing to strike again. While I’m mostly pro-union (when they work), I’m a bit wary of this strike. Last time the writers went on strike, we got stuck with reality show after reality show, since the writers on those don’t apply. Be prepared for Dancing With Animals Attacking! and The Real World: Survivor!

You Say Potato, I Say Genocide

What constitutes genocide? Would you consider the mass deportation and murder of 1.5 million people of a specific ethnic group by the government genocide? How could you not?

The House Foreign Affairs Committee approved a measure that will be sent to the full House on Friday condemning the action that occurred decades ago. It’s not a binding measure, it’s a symbolic one that finally allows the US to formally acknowledge the atrocities that took place as ‘genocide.’

So what’s the problem? Well, for one, Turkey is pissed.

"Yesterday some in Congress wanted to play hardball," said Egemen Bagis, foreign policy adviser to Turkish Prime Minister Recep Tayyip Erdogan. "I can assure you Turkey knows how to play hardball."

He said the response to the U.S. might not be the same, but warned if the full House passes it, "We will do something and I can promise you it won't be pleasant."

The administration is pissed, too. You see, Turkey is where we send supplies into Iraq from. If Turkey doesn’t want us there, it makes it harder to supply the troops (bad for the troops) and to wage war in Iraq (bad for the Iraqis, the residents of the Middle East, and pretty much everyone else, too). France formally declared the events genocide last year, and haven’t flown any planes in Turkish airspace since.

Some thoughts:

We do business with Germany on a regular basis. They are an ally of the US, and a country that is friendly to our citizens. We fought them in two major wars, and they murdered nearly 12 million people (I’m including the Poles, the Gypsies, the homosexuals, etc in that count in addition to the Jews). But here we are, friends and allies. Why?

Because Germany said that they fucked up in a major way. Not all wounds can be healed, but Germany has tried very hard to acknowledge the atrocities of the past and make amends. They’ll never be fully forgiven for that (not for a long, long time at least), but it is a starting place.

Turkey refuses to do that. They claim that the deaths were only around 150,000 people, and that Turks died as well, so that’s okay.

I’m proud of the House for forcing through a measure so unpopular with the administration, because it is the right thing to do. We’re not asking Turkey for anything. We are just deciding to acknowledge something horrible that happened.

By the way, what is Armenia’s take on this? No one seems to be asking them.

Edit: They are thrilled that people are finally noticing after all this time

10 October 2007

Mayor of Atlantic City disappears, reappears, resigns

The mayor of Atlantic City has resigned. It seems Robert Levy disappeared for two weeks, turned up and resigned either today or yesterday. His staff will only say that he was hospitalized somewhere.

What the hell was he up to?

Edit: It looks like he was in rehab.

Dear Fred Thompson,

Running for president is way tougher than it looks, isn't it?

Your friend,

The Idea of Progress

PS: It's called Russia now, not the Soviet Union. And just in case it comes up, there's only one Germany.

09 October 2007

The first rule of a blog war is you don't talk about the blog war

Some people would like you to believe that their materialistic lifestyle is the sole path to any sort of happiness. Some people clothe themselves in their Chinese-made button down dress shirts and their Mexican crafted ties, put their papers cut from the living rain forests into their naugahyde briefcases and strap themselves into their iron boxes of death constructed in Taiwan, passing down the concrete rivers of Babel on their way to some kind of truth? Some people don't know the truth.

Some people like McGone.

I met McGone on a trip. He was lost, and couldn't find his way. He envied me, the carefree lifestyle of The Idea Of Progress, off exploring the wilds of Wisconsin and getting close and personal with adopted character actress Zooey Deschanel. McGone was content spending his time playing games while hanging out in the bathroom.

He was trapped in the International House of Blogcakes.

Behind its windows steamed up with the condensation caused by the sweat of Fact Checker Diego Cezanne (who recently became a citizen of Canada not the United States, as IHOB claimed) laboring over an Ikea catalog, forced to search out the right duvet cover for his boss, behind that oh so grim facade, lies the beginnings of a man. And I'm not talking about Diego.

He may be trying to maintain at threat level BEIGE, but all it will take will be one pilot light blown out on his stove and McGone will be on the path to self-knowledge.

And I will be there.

Things That Sound Made Up

I heard about this on Wait Wait Don't Tell Me on NPR, and it sounded invented, but I now have the proof. Everybody's favorite closeted Republican Senator, Larry Craig (R-ID) submitted a recipe about ten years ago to an internet cookbook that was seeking submissions from politicians. His choice?

The Super Tuber.

It's potato with a hole cut out and a hot dog pushed through the center.


No word on if the hot dog and potato met in an airport bathroom.

The complete recipe:

Super Tuber is a great snack that uses one of my favorite vegetables: The Idaho Potato. Of course, I suppose any type of potato could be used, but I cannot guarantee that a Super Tuber made with anything but a true Idaho potato would taste as good.

Sincerely, Larry E. Craig, United States Senator

1 hot dog, cook's choice
1 Idaho baking potato, 7 to 10 ounces
Mustard for dipping, any style
Other condiments as desired such as cheese sauce, sour cream, chili, chives, bacon pieces or black olives.

Wash and dry potato. Rub with shortening or butter. With an apple corer or small knife, core out the potato center (end to end). Push hot dog through the center. Bake until potato is cooked through.

To Microwave: Place on microwave safe plate; cover loosely (to avoid splatters). Microwave on high about 4 minutes per potato until fork tender.
To Bake in Conventional Oven: Preheat oven to 325 degrees. Bake for approximately one hour or until potato is fork tender.

To Barbecue: Wrap in aluminum foil and place above medium hot coals, turning at least once during cooking. Cook until potato is fork tender.

Serving Suggestions: Allow potato to cool slightly. Eat as a finger food, dipping in your favorite hot dog condiments (mustard is my favorite).

Coors and Miller to Merge: No Wonder All of Their Beers Taste Alike

Monopoly? What's a monopoly? Two of the three largest beer companies in the US (the third is Anheuser-Busch), Molson Coors and SAB MIller plan to merge companies, creating a single entity called Miller Coors (I guess since Miller makes more money, they get to come first). Are beer sales really flagging in this country? When everything goes down the shitter (um...war, unemployment, enviromental meltdowns, a sequel to National Treasure), you'd think that the one constant would be beer consumption. Unless the right wing groups that Coors supports are making it hard on them. That's what happens when you cater to conservative Christians--No drinkin' or dancin'!

In any case, if all of their crappy beer tasted alike before, just think of the possibilities now!

08 October 2007

Johnny Yen is into clowns.

I have it on good authority.

The International House of Blogcakes Must Fall

I heard that the International House of Blogcakes hires illegal aliens to staff the bloggrills and the blog registers. I'm not saying, I'm just saying. Someone miiiiight want to call someone in authority.

The Idea of Progress Spotted Returning to Society

Associated Press
CHICAGO, IL- Folks in Logan Square usually lead a quiet life. Aside from the random rock concert or occasional gang shooting, all is usually quiet along these city boulevards. Until recently.

"He was 100 feet tall, I tell you!" local hipster Jack 'Green' Beane told the Associated Press on Monday. "He was stepping on buildings and tossing cars around like playthings! It was horrible!"

Local resident Jorge Garcia disagreed. "Él era un hombre muy apuesto! Él puede casarse con alguno de mis hermosas hijas."

It seems that the Idea of Progress has returned to the blogonetosphere 2.0. May God have mercy on our souls.

07 October 2007

Hey Ron Paul!

What, you're still here?

04 October 2007

Two Stories, Plus Advice

I want to thank everybody for their support over the last week. I'm back from Pittsburgh, and will soon resume writing the usual action-packed blogs you so eagerly seek. I'm gratified to hear so many people actually went out and did a nice thing and thought of my grandfather. I'm sure he would have appreciated that.

To cap off this week's non-posting, two stories about my grandfather I heard this week. Both involve food. Apparently he ate with great gusto when he was a younger man, although I never knew him to have anything but a normal consumption of food.

-Sam would occasionally eat a banana that he had placed in a hot dog bun. He would also put mustard on this concoction.

-Once, he mistook a box of Bugles for cereal. He poured himself a bowlful, added sugar and milk, and ate the whole thing. When confronted about the odd choice for breakfast, he admitted that the cereal was a little salty.

It was my first experience at a funeral, and won't be my last, but to those of you who will be attending one, allow me to give you this piece of advice: Bring a cheerful baby. My sister brought her nine-month old daughter along, a little girl who does little but laugh and smile, and every time there was either an emotional moment, or a dull moment, or an awkward one, she would gurgle and coo and throw an object at a mourner, and that would break the tension of the moment. It made things a lot easier, let me tell you.

01 October 2007

The Idea of Progress Will Return Soon

I was woken up on Sunday morning with the news that my grandfather had passed away. Some of you have lost loved ones at some point in your life; I've lost a great aunt a few years ago, but my grandfather was the closest relative who has passed.

He had been suffering from Alzheimer's for a couple of years now. I rarely saw him--he lives (lived) in Pittsburgh, and I'm in Chicago--perhaps once a year or so. One visit I saw him and he was fine. I later learned that he had shown symptoms of Alzheimer's. The next time I saw him he was quieter, more withdrawn. The visit after that he was barely there at all.

I'll be seeing him for the last time tomorrow.

I'm not here to write a eulogy for the man. He was a good man, and well loved. That's all any of us could ask for on this earth. When I die, if I'm remembered the same way, I'll be pleased with that.

I'm in Pittsburgh right now, and I don't know if I'll be able to write again before I return. Do me a favor, though. Today or tomorrow, do something nice for someone. Hold open a door. Say 'bless you' when someoen sneezes. Let someone make a left turn out of a parking lot.

I'll consider that a tribute to my Grandpa Sam.