30 October 2007

What FEMA has in common with Secretary



FEMA wants to be punished.

It’s not that it can’t do a good job, it just likes to be caught making mistakes so it can be spanked. People used to be afraid of FEMA. They thought that it would be used to declare martial law and take over the country. Then Hurricane Katrina happened. Lots of people died. Many of them didn’t have to. That was FEMA’s fault. FEMA was publicly berated, called names and beaten.

But here’s the thing.

FEMA liked it.

And now that things have calmed down from the disaster in New Orleans, FEMA found itself craving that attention. How can FEMA get that paddling again?

So FEMA holds a fake press conference about the job it is doing with the fires in California. It allows reporters to listen in on what appears to be a real press conference, but they can’t ask questions. The questions are being asked by FEMA staffers. They are not probing questions. The reporters know that these are not real reporters.

The reporters don’t like this. They get on the wires, and soon the news has spread about how FEMA is once again screwing up. FEMA is called out and spanked with a leather belt.

And FEMA is happy once again.

8 comments:

pistols at dawn said...

Best FEMA simile of the month? It's all you.

Bubs said...

Except FEMA isn't hot like Maggie Gyllenhaal. FEMA is more like the Rev Tommy Tester.

red said...

I wonder if there's any man I know who hasn't seen that movie. I'd like to think my brothers and my dad are on that list, just because the thought of them watching it creeps me out. On the upside, they wouldn't want to know I've seen it, and if they have seen it, they'll never tell me. I feel better already.

Grant Miller said...

I've attended many press conferences all my life. About 90 percent of them feel fake to begin with.

Blowing Shit Up With Gas said...

Yeah, that's that Secretary movie, right? The one with James Spader & spanking? I saw it years back. Very odd. I never understood this fascination with spanking.

The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: said...

I hope you are right and that FEMA really was looking to be spanked like a little bitch because the alternative, that FEMA is really so stupid as to think no one would notice, is too upsetting.

Leonesse said...

Sorry, Lady, I think Michael "Gut Feeling" Chertoff was having indigestion that day and his gut was off.

These people are supposed to be our LEADERS for christsakes!

dguzman said...

I think they're just that stupid, man. It's not like anyone in govt has any clue what reality is anyway--not anymore. They weeded those freaks out when W arrived.