Things the Idea of Progress Irrationally Hates

No.1: Opening packages from the bottom

There are tops and bottoms of things. Things on top are placed there to remain on top, while things on the bottom conversely are expected to sustain that position. While there may be certain exciting and R-rated exceptions to this rule, one instance to which it applies is the opening of bags of chips.

To wit: The Special Lady Friend of the Idea of Progress (we'll henceforth refer to her as the SLFotIoP to keep things properly confusing) opened a bag of tortilla chips. Now, the bags of these chips, like many others, are printed in such a manner as to suggest a proper place for opening them. That place? The top.

However, much to my dismay, this particular bag of chips (El Rancheros, by far the best chips you'll find outside of a good Mexican restaurant) was not opened at the top. It was opened at the bottom. Why was this a problem? asked the SLFotIoP? The only answer that tIoP could muster was that if I tried to read the label on the bag, all of the chips would fall out on the floor.

The SLFotIoP asked if I needed to read the label, since I have been purchasing the same brand of tortilla chips for at least six years. She also asked if it really, seriously bugged me.

And tIoP wept, and admitted it did.