Thoughts on The Heartbreak Kid

I've just come from a preview of The Heartbreak Kid, starring Ben Stiller. The ticket was free, and in my defense, I was unaware that it was made by the Farrelly Brothers; I went in blind, only knowing that it starred Ben Stiller, and I was pretty sure it was a remake of an earlier movie, unseen by me. I would warn you that there will be some spoilers following, but I can't honestly imagine why any sentient human being would want to purposely harm themselves in such a horrifying manner such as viewing this movie. Some thoughts:

-A protagonist who is not only not a good person, but who thinks he is (not ironically), a sentiment the movie seems to share. I told the girl taking down people's opinions after the movie that I found him to be "aggressively unlikeable." I may have been too kind.

-A movie that portrays every woman in it as a bitch, a fool, or a bitchy fool.

-A movie that allows Carlos Mencia to appear in it.

-Poor Malin Akerman. She probably viewed this movie as her big break, but all she got out of it was several scenes of her topless (yes, there's nudity, guys), two of the absolutely most non-erotic sex scenes ever filmed, and the opportunity to play a shrill, crazy, unlikeable character that is given no sympathy by the filmmakers (but some from the audience).

-A closeup (yes, a CLOSEUP) of a pantsless woman with a piercing in a very sensitive place urinating on Ben Stiller. The reason I mention this is because it has officially set the bar as low as I've ever seen it set for a joke. To say it fails miserably would be a compliment to it. It makes me long for the kinder, gentler days of teenagers fucking pies.

-Men In Black showed that you can find humor in illegal immigrants struggling to cross the border. This movie tries to. It fails. Instead it garners sympathy for the women and children trying to cross the desert. I was hoping that Ben Stiller would be stranded and eaten by vultures, but to no avail.

-I hated it for making me want money back from a free ticket.

-I hated it for killing off whatever goodwill Ben Stiller still had saved up from The Ben Stiller Show (Along Came Polly used up much of that credit)

I can think of no good reason to see this movie. My friend and I tried to at least make fun of it, but we ended up too depressed by the end. What a waste of time, money, effort, and my evening. I hope that this is the worst movie of the year, because the thought of watching one worse would make a sane person consider suicide as an alternative.