20 February 2008

The Blogosphere Interviews The Idea of Progress, pt. 1

Some people are considered worthy of an interview. Perhaps it is due to their talent. It could be due to their intelligence, or good looks.

These people are great and all, but there is one man who has risen above all of this.

The Idea of Progress. For he is not interviewed by a person. He is interviewed by the entire blogosphere.

Laaw-yur (Adventures in Self-Loathing): "You can have any ten people - living, dead, mythical, and/or fictional - in your "posse". Who are they and why did you chose them? Feel free to assign them gratuitous superpowers and make your own Justice League."

tIoP: What an excellent question. I would choose the Idea of Progress, of course, cloned ten times. There is no problem that eleven of us could not surmount. I would assign them talents, but that supposes that the Idea of Progress lacks talent in any area.


Bert Bananas: "If you could only watch one of these two shows which would it be why: Simpsons or Family Guy?"

tIoP: The Idea of Progress prefers the Simpsons, of course. Without character development and a consistent storyline, we are left with the equivalent of pratfalls and fart jokes, which are all well and good, but in small doses.

It must be said that I prefer to spend my time reading Rabelais to either. Now THAT's comedy.


"Dear Idea of Progress,

Can you settle a bar bet for me? For the past 1,000 years, my buddies and I have been arguing about the omnipotence paradox - you know, the ol' "Can God create a rock so large that It cannot lift it?" Finally, I told my philosopher buddy J.L. Cowan to put his money where his mouth is, and I bet him a plate of P.T. McDeliousness's red-hot "spicy, not pricey" chicken wings that God totally can't do this. Who's the winner?


Pistols at Dawn
(Save Your Generation)"

tIoP: A philosophical question, I see! Here's the answer to your question: There is no God. Santa Claus, however, does have that ability. He can also shoot lasers out of his rectum (very few people are aware of this). So you're both wrong. That makes you bad people.


Cowboy the Cat (The Hidden Agenda of Cowboy the Cat): If "The Idea of Progress were an actor, what actor would The Idea of Progress be? What roles would The Idea of Progress take to improve the standing of said actor? Finally, what roles has said actor taken that The Idea of Progress feels may have been ill-advised, and why?"

tIoP: Few people know that the Idea of Progress has starred in all six Police Academy movies, under the pseudonym of "Michael Winslow." Yes, it was tIoP that made all of those wacky sound effects-- and hilarity ensued. The perfect character created, and the perfect role filled, tIoP decided to retire, since I had other things to do. Like drink beer and nap.


Monica (The Ramblings of a Crazy...): "tIoP, we're dying to know...Even though these are all your signature pieces, which item can't you live without: your Crimson Crush lipliner, your Hello Kitty knee
socks, or your Apple Bottom jeans?

(you don't actually have to publish this.)"

tIoP: Oh, Monica, Monica, Monica. I remember my days as the synth player for Hawkwind, where all of these items were in full display. But I've decided to dress more conservatively these days, what with my invitation to rule Cuba, and my impending invitation to serve as Vice President to Barack Obama. (I still wear the kneesocks, however)


"Hello bad boy the idea of process, My question is 2 parts: Have you ever received a prostate massage? If so, would you like another one? If not, would you like one?

I guess that's 3 parts. I'm not good with numbers.

Tabbie. Like Cabbie, with a T.

Sent from my iPhone"

tIoP: You have an iPhone? I had no idea you were so rich and powerful and technologically savvy. I'll tell you what: You may administer the massage, but only if I may live blog it from your iPhone.


If you have a question for the Idea of Progress, please email it to me, and it may be answered in a timely fashion.


Ms. Laaw-yuhr said...

I am awed by your humility.

Johnny Yen said...

Good god-- I thought I was the only person on the planet left who knows who Hawkwind was. I actually used to own one of their albums.

The Ambiguous Blob said...

shit, I called you the wrong name. The idea of process is my secret blogger boyfriend. I'm so sorry to confuse you.
Also... you're welcome to blog from my iPhone. That might be fun.
Also also, I'm not rich. My mom bought me the phone for my birthday last year and I don't know how to make that message disappear from every email I send.
Maybe you can help me figure it out during your live blogging/massaging session?

Monica said...

i'm a bit confused. i've never seen you without your lipliner and you know you wear your apple bottom jeans at LEAST 3X/week. hawkwind inDEED

Cowboy the Cat said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Cowboy the Cat said...

I deleted that comment because in the light of morning it was a bit harsh. I was expressing my thoughts that I think you can improve this feature and make it much much funnier.

I laughed like ha!

I think this has the potential to make me laugh like HA HA!


pistols at dawn said...

This was an excellent first salvo, sir. You've answered a number of the world's most pressing questions.

Grant Miller said...

Those iPhones are sweet.