07 February 2008

Dear Mitt,

So you're dropping out of the race, too? It's amazing to me that people didn't want to vote for you. I mean, you're a clever guy. People want their president to be clever. You figured out you can avoid using the term "taxes" by just calling them "fees," and people will still have to pay the government money for services. That way you don't have to raise taxes. That's smart!

You've managed to avoid having to explain that you wear 'special undergarments.' You've managed to avoid the conversation about Jesus living in America, and the Native Americans really being one of the lost tribes of Israel. That takes some doing.

You've even managed to try and paint John McCain as a 'tax and spend' liberal. I've never heard a Republican call another that. I was waiting for you to refer to him as a 'flip flopper.'

Well, the race won't be as fun with you not in it. I won't have someone to loathe with every fiber of my being.

Good luck in your future endeavors!

Your Pal,

The Idea of Progress


Suze said...

Wow, I kinda wanted a president named Mitt. Almost like Mutt - but not as liberal-like :)

The Ambiguous Blob said...

Oh thank god. I mean really, I might go thank Jesus for this later. I'll have to find a church or something, right?

Bubs said...

I'll miss his spectacular hair helmet.

pistols at dawn said...

Given his frequent changes of mind, I wonder if he changed his mind during the speech. "I'm here today to talk about tax care ref- I'm dropping out of the race! Also, I love gay marriage. I think."

BeckEye said...

Mitt should've announced that the Time Warner "Sir Charge" guy would be his running mate - then more people would've voted for him. Because, come on, he's bloody charming.

Grant Miller said...

He looks like a guy that winks when he shakes your hand.

I stole that from Letterman.