19 February 2008

A short, timely play in one act


A darkened restaurant. The tables are lit by lights that hang directly overhead, casting their light downward, leaving vast pools of darkness between the islands of light.

At one such table are two men. One is older, grizzled, and wearing a military uniform. The other is far younger, much more handsome, who speaks and moves with great authority.

The younger man produces a cigar. The older man lights it for him deferentially.


YOUNGER MAN: Thank you, Raul. Now, what is it you've asked me here to discuss?

OLDER MAN (RAUL): I appreciate the great Idea of Progress gracing me with his presence. (the younger man, tIoP, waves off the compliment). I have a problem, Señor, and you are the only one I know who is brave enough to solve it for me.

TIOP: What is it Raul? I don't have all day. McGone is holed up in the International House of Blogcakes, and I've heard he's taken Grant Miller and Laaw-yur hostage. I need to pop over there and fix their problems, too, so I don't have all night.

RAUL: I'll get right to the point, then, Señor. My older brother--

TIOP: Uh, Fidel, right?

RAUL: -Yes, Fidel-- My older brother Fidel has decided to retire as Comandante en Jefe, and he wants me to take his place.

TIOP(puffs cigar) So what's the problem, then?

RAUL: I am afraid, Señor. I do not believe that I will be able to lead my people. They need a true hero, a great man, not a man who has only succeeded through nepotism. In short, I would like for you to rule Cuba.

TIOP (yawns) Raul, what makes you think I have time for such diversions? Have you considered that I might be busy getting drunk?

RAUL: But Señor, you must! My people will suffer under less of a man!

TIOP: (standing Listen, buddy. I've got plans, see? I don't have the time to run your little banana republic. I've got big things in the works. I still need to finish reading the new issue of the New Yorker. I want to go out for dinner with some friends. I've got naps to take. No thank you.


RAUL: (grabs the hem of tIoP's immaculately tailored Saville Row suit) Please don't make me do this on my own! What could I offer you to entice you?

TIOP: (thinks)I'd like my blog to be ranked first on Google when you search for it.

RAUL: But Señor, I cannot! El Google is impossible to convince!

TIOP: Um...how about one of those new Tesla Motorcars?

RAUL: All of our cars are from before the embargo. I cannot offer you anything manufactured after the early 1960s.

TIOP: Well...are the girls in Cuba pretty?

RAUL: The most beautiful in the world!

TIOP: (considers this, but shakes his head) Listen, I'm not your guy. I've just got too much on my plate at the moment. But I know just the fellow to take care of you guys. A strong leader, with a dynamic voice and a guest appearance in Back to the Future.

RAUL: (in awe) You don't mean--

TIOP: Yes, yes I do.

RAUL: (shakes tIoP's hand) Señor, the people of Cuba will never be able to thank you enough.

TIOP: It's cool, baby. ¡Viva Los News Revolución!

RAUL: ¡Viva Los News Revolución!

End Scene

10 comments:

Monica said...

huey is a WAY better choice than the idea of-- i mean... anyone else :)

McGone said...

I picture a wide angle shot at the end with everyone firing their machine guns in the air triumphantly as the screen fades to black, "Power of Love" playing over the credits.

And you still have not met my demands for the release of Miller or Laaw-yuhr. Please stop dawdling.

Natalie said...

BEAUTIFUL. What an obvious choice

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