You Say Potato, I Say Genocide

What constitutes genocide? Would you consider the mass deportation and murder of 1.5 million people of a specific ethnic group by the government genocide? How could you not?

The House Foreign Affairs Committee approved a measure that will be sent to the full House on Friday condemning the action that occurred decades ago. It’s not a binding measure, it’s a symbolic one that finally allows the US to formally acknowledge the atrocities that took place as ‘genocide.’

So what’s the problem? Well, for one, Turkey is pissed.

"Yesterday some in Congress wanted to play hardball," said Egemen Bagis, foreign policy adviser to Turkish Prime Minister Recep Tayyip Erdogan. "I can assure you Turkey knows how to play hardball."

He said the response to the U.S. might not be the same, but warned if the full House passes it, "We will do something and I can promise you it won't be pleasant."

The administration is pissed, too. You see, Turkey is where we send supplies into Iraq from. If Turkey doesn’t want us there, it makes it harder to supply the troops (bad for the troops) and to wage war in Iraq (bad for the Iraqis, the residents of the Middle East, and pretty much everyone else, too). France formally declared the events genocide last year, and haven’t flown any planes in Turkish airspace since.

Some thoughts:

We do business with Germany on a regular basis. They are an ally of the US, and a country that is friendly to our citizens. We fought them in two major wars, and they murdered nearly 12 million people (I’m including the Poles, the Gypsies, the homosexuals, etc in that count in addition to the Jews). But here we are, friends and allies. Why?

Because Germany said that they fucked up in a major way. Not all wounds can be healed, but Germany has tried very hard to acknowledge the atrocities of the past and make amends. They’ll never be fully forgiven for that (not for a long, long time at least), but it is a starting place.

Turkey refuses to do that. They claim that the deaths were only around 150,000 people, and that Turks died as well, so that’s okay.

I’m proud of the House for forcing through a measure so unpopular with the administration, because it is the right thing to do. We’re not asking Turkey for anything. We are just deciding to acknowledge something horrible that happened.

By the way, what is Armenia’s take on this? No one seems to be asking them.

Edit: They are thrilled that people are finally noticing after all this time

Mayor of Atlantic City disappears, reappears, resigns

The mayor of Atlantic City has resigned. It seems Robert Levy disappeared for two weeks, turned up and resigned either today or yesterday. His staff will only say that he was hospitalized somewhere.

What the hell was he up to?


Edit: It looks like he was in rehab.

Dear Fred Thompson,

Running for president is way tougher than it looks, isn't it?

Your friend,

The Idea of Progress


PS: It's called Russia now, not the Soviet Union. And just in case it comes up, there's only one Germany.

The first rule of a blog war is you don't talk about the blog war

Some people would like you to believe that their materialistic lifestyle is the sole path to any sort of happiness. Some people clothe themselves in their Chinese-made button down dress shirts and their Mexican crafted ties, put their papers cut from the living rain forests into their naugahyde briefcases and strap themselves into their iron boxes of death constructed in Taiwan, passing down the concrete rivers of Babel on their way to some kind of truth? Some people don't know the truth.

Some people like McGone.

I met McGone on a trip. He was lost, and couldn't find his way. He envied me, the carefree lifestyle of The Idea Of Progress, off exploring the wilds of Wisconsin and getting close and personal with adopted character actress Zooey Deschanel. McGone was content spending his time playing games while hanging out in the bathroom.

He was trapped in the International House of Blogcakes.

Behind its windows steamed up with the condensation caused by the sweat of Fact Checker Diego Cezanne (who recently became a citizen of Canada not the United States, as IHOB claimed) laboring over an Ikea catalog, forced to search out the right duvet cover for his boss, behind that oh so grim facade, lies the beginnings of a man. And I'm not talking about Diego.

He may be trying to maintain at threat level BEIGE, but all it will take will be one pilot light blown out on his stove and McGone will be on the path to self-knowledge.

And I will be there.

Things That Sound Made Up

I heard about this on Wait Wait Don't Tell Me on NPR, and it sounded invented, but I now have the proof. Everybody's favorite closeted Republican Senator, Larry Craig (R-ID) submitted a recipe about ten years ago to an internet cookbook that was seeking submissions from politicians. His choice?

The Super Tuber.

It's potato with a hole cut out and a hot dog pushed through the center.

Really.

No word on if the hot dog and potato met in an airport bathroom.

The complete recipe:

Super Tuber is a great snack that uses one of my favorite vegetables: The Idaho Potato. Of course, I suppose any type of potato could be used, but I cannot guarantee that a Super Tuber made with anything but a true Idaho potato would taste as good.

Sincerely, Larry E. Craig, United States Senator

Ingredients
1 hot dog, cook's choice
1 Idaho baking potato, 7 to 10 ounces
Mustard for dipping, any style
Other condiments as desired such as cheese sauce, sour cream, chili, chives, bacon pieces or black olives.

Wash and dry potato. Rub with shortening or butter. With an apple corer or small knife, core out the potato center (end to end). Push hot dog through the center. Bake until potato is cooked through.

To Microwave: Place on microwave safe plate; cover loosely (to avoid splatters). Microwave on high about 4 minutes per potato until fork tender.
To Bake in Conventional Oven: Preheat oven to 325 degrees. Bake for approximately one hour or until potato is fork tender.

To Barbecue: Wrap in aluminum foil and place above medium hot coals, turning at least once during cooking. Cook until potato is fork tender.

Serving Suggestions: Allow potato to cool slightly. Eat as a finger food, dipping in your favorite hot dog condiments (mustard is my favorite).

Coors and Miller to Merge: No Wonder All of Their Beers Taste Alike

Monopoly? What's a monopoly? Two of the three largest beer companies in the US (the third is Anheuser-Busch), Molson Coors and SAB MIller plan to merge companies, creating a single entity called Miller Coors (I guess since Miller makes more money, they get to come first). Are beer sales really flagging in this country? When everything goes down the shitter (um...war, unemployment, enviromental meltdowns, a sequel to National Treasure), you'd think that the one constant would be beer consumption. Unless the right wing groups that Coors supports are making it hard on them. That's what happens when you cater to conservative Christians--No drinkin' or dancin'!

In any case, if all of their crappy beer tasted alike before, just think of the possibilities now!

Johnny Yen is into clowns.

I have it on good authority.

The International House of Blogcakes Must Fall

I heard that the International House of Blogcakes hires illegal aliens to staff the bloggrills and the blog registers. I'm not saying, I'm just saying. Someone miiiiight want to call someone in authority.

The Idea of Progress Spotted Returning to Society

Associated Press
CHICAGO, IL- Folks in Logan Square usually lead a quiet life. Aside from the random rock concert or occasional gang shooting, all is usually quiet along these city boulevards. Until recently.

"He was 100 feet tall, I tell you!" local hipster Jack 'Green' Beane told the Associated Press on Monday. "He was stepping on buildings and tossing cars around like playthings! It was horrible!"

Local resident Jorge Garcia disagreed. "Él era un hombre muy apuesto! Él puede casarse con alguno de mis hermosas hijas."

It seems that the Idea of Progress has returned to the blogonetosphere 2.0. May God have mercy on our souls.

Hey Ron Paul!

What, you're still here?

Two Stories, Plus Advice

I want to thank everybody for their support over the last week. I'm back from Pittsburgh, and will soon resume writing the usual action-packed blogs you so eagerly seek. I'm gratified to hear so many people actually went out and did a nice thing and thought of my grandfather. I'm sure he would have appreciated that.

To cap off this week's non-posting, two stories about my grandfather I heard this week. Both involve food. Apparently he ate with great gusto when he was a younger man, although I never knew him to have anything but a normal consumption of food.

-Sam would occasionally eat a banana that he had placed in a hot dog bun. He would also put mustard on this concoction.

-Once, he mistook a box of Bugles for cereal. He poured himself a bowlful, added sugar and milk, and ate the whole thing. When confronted about the odd choice for breakfast, he admitted that the cereal was a little salty.







It was my first experience at a funeral, and won't be my last, but to those of you who will be attending one, allow me to give you this piece of advice: Bring a cheerful baby. My sister brought her nine-month old daughter along, a little girl who does little but laugh and smile, and every time there was either an emotional moment, or a dull moment, or an awkward one, she would gurgle and coo and throw an object at a mourner, and that would break the tension of the moment. It made things a lot easier, let me tell you.

The Idea of Progress Will Return Soon

I was woken up on Sunday morning with the news that my grandfather had passed away. Some of you have lost loved ones at some point in your life; I've lost a great aunt a few years ago, but my grandfather was the closest relative who has passed.

He had been suffering from Alzheimer's for a couple of years now. I rarely saw him--he lives (lived) in Pittsburgh, and I'm in Chicago--perhaps once a year or so. One visit I saw him and he was fine. I later learned that he had shown symptoms of Alzheimer's. The next time I saw him he was quieter, more withdrawn. The visit after that he was barely there at all.

I'll be seeing him for the last time tomorrow.

I'm not here to write a eulogy for the man. He was a good man, and well loved. That's all any of us could ask for on this earth. When I die, if I'm remembered the same way, I'll be pleased with that.

I'm in Pittsburgh right now, and I don't know if I'll be able to write again before I return. Do me a favor, though. Today or tomorrow, do something nice for someone. Hold open a door. Say 'bless you' when someoen sneezes. Let someone make a left turn out of a parking lot.

I'll consider that a tribute to my Grandpa Sam.