Dear George,

Wow, you have less than a year left in office. That's not a lot, is it? I've never lived in one place for that long in my entire life-- it must be difficult making plans on where to move to next. Are you and Laura going to rent an apartment? Since your daughters are adults now, you really only need a three bedroom apartment, just in case they are both staying over at once. If you need help finding a place, give me a call. I've lived in six or seven apartments over the last decade, and I'm used to scouting the joints out. I can give you some tips (for instance, turn on the shower! See if the place gets good water pressure!).

You might want to start being more honest, now that you won't have executive privilege to cover your butt. It looks like you and your friends lied 935 times to the public in the lead-up to the war! I mean, that's less than a thousand, which is good, I guess, but if you are always lying to your new neighbors, they probably won't respect you enough to turn down the music when it's past midnight on a Tuesday, or loan you that cup of sugar you need.

Less than a year! What are your plans? I think you should get a job right away. If you take a few months of to "find yourself," you might miss some great opportunities. I mean, you could probably go work for Halliburton! You've helped them out tremendously in the past, and I bet Dick will put in a good word for you.

I'm always here to help. Let me know if you need help finding a new place!

Your Pal,

The Idea of Progress