05 September 2007

Apple Reveals New Products Today

If you would like a detailed account (detailed, as in posted minute-by-minute account as it happened), you should check out the overly-obsessed folks at Engadget.

But allow the Idea of Progress to give you a hint of what was revealed today.

Steve Jobs and Starbucks founder Howard Schultz have revealed their romance to the masses. They've also expressed their intent to topple the American government, replacing it with tastefully designed efficient franchises staffed by sullen teenagers.

-Starbucks released their iLatte, a state of the art "beverage" that allows you to download mp3s and surf the web while pissing away your retirement fund. Unfortunately it is only compatible with 5% of yuppies.

-Apple has lowered the price of their 8 gig iPhones to $399 and discontinued production of the 4 gig. When asked about all of those that paid full price last month, Steve Jobs responded with: "[expletive deleted]"

-Steve Jobs continued to refuse The Idea of Progress a free iPhone. Even the 4 gig.


yllwdaisies said...

Have you ever been to the Fake Steve Job's blog? It's pretty funny: http://fakesteve.blogspot.com/.

pistols at dawn said...

I'm so glad those two are out of their Argentina-sized walk-in closets.

The Guv'ner said...

OK I'm going to rant here.

I boycott the iPod (in particular) for one reason only: anything that relies on sensors/touch to operate is doomed to fail with me because I am obviously an alien being with the body temperature of a slug. Honestly, I am currently using someone else's iPod on loan due to a firewire glitch in my laptop blah blah blah. I can touch the buttons/controls on an iPod twenty times and nothing happens. If it's playing I can't turn the damn thing off. I can't switch tracks. And yes, the HOLD button IS off, thank you very much.

I have the same problem with ATMs that have touch screens. Well, not that ATMs won't play my mp3s (although that would be sorta rad) but they do give me lovely money and I don't appreciate them making that farting noise every time I attempt to access my loot because for some reason my touch is broken. I equally don't appreciate them spitting $300 at me when I want $20. And this has happened. This would be fine if it wasn't MY $300.

My iPod is a 1 generation dinosaur from 2000 and it has real buttons you PRESS and if it ever dies, I will kill myself. And possibly Steve Jobs.

thirdworstpoetinthegalaxy said...

If they do start giving them away, please let me know -- that's the only way I'll ever get one.

radialrelish said...

the guv'ner, it would be "rad" if atms wouldn't play your mp3s?

pistols at dawn said...

Guv, it's probably because even machinery doesn't want you to touch it.